Finally A new start!!!

Yes for those who were with me from the begging you would of known what terrible tragedy happened to me, but I have endured it all and come out surprisingly a different person. I feel that I have learnt so much about the people who I felt were my closest friends, Its surprising in a span of a year of trouble and misfortune can actually distract you from the bigger picture, the goal meaning the main reason why you was there in the first place.

I once met someone whom I told my troubles with, being much older than me she listened and gave me advice which I will keep for the rest of my life, I wont be sharing it on here, because it was very personal and I feel that some things should be kept private and secret. But what she taught me was basically just do right.

so that is what I am going to be doing, I am just going to do right!

I had such a horrible and lonely experience in the past year, losing people and friends are almost a daily occurrence to me, but that is not what surprises me or saddens me anymore, its the thought, the very feeling you had for them when you first met them that said in your mind "yes, he/she seems very nice" but then fast forward the end of the year and you see it miserably fall and vanish like it was never there, and then you think of not what you have lost but of how distillational the mind is. I was a fool for giving you my time anyways, your not even worth it anymore.

If you had not noticed from the title, I am very excited to MOVE ON!
All I wanted this last few years was change, and now i finally have it.
A new life and new beginning,

I am not going to think about the good memories I had in the past year because I have truly had none, Not a single one, Every day I breathed was a half-life a life full of messieurs and torment. It depressing I know... But that's how I felt.
I am from today, (well yesterday, if you read my Google+ page) starting a fresh start. I am proud to say that I dislike my past life and all the people in it. I burn them like letters from a past lover. Yet the memories will always be within. I am happy to never go back, I will not go back, I have cut all ties with it and now I am NEW AND REBORN!

This must be sounding so strange to you right now, and yes it sort of it to myself as well. But I am happy to start a new, from now on only happy thoughts and feelings.
I will be the person I want to be, some people have hated me for it, I know I am horrible but know I am horrible and better than you! Because if I am a horrible person have done less worse things than yourself it makes the other person more horrible than me!

I have learnt many lesions this year and I will remember them all.

TIPS:
1-don't trust anyone
2-even the nicest person can be the devil
3-don't ever hide who you REALLY are.
4-don't let anyone judge you and if you do, tell them to fuck off because there opinion does not matter! *Be prepared to lose close friends with this, but its worth it at the end*
5-Live in the moment
6-Don't think negative 24/7

and my last tip will be just do right. Even if that means doing wrong or if it makes someone feel sad, sometimes the truth hurts and that's okay.

I will be posting alot more now, to share with you guys my new life;)
BYEEE!!!!!

Getting on track- I think...

Well the first week has passed by from school. I am happy I am still with some of my old  friends but my real close ones, the ones that I used to hang around with everyday  have left. So now I am left on my own but its  okay  because I have a lot of work to do to keep me occupied!

What one word can I say that  could sum up my first week back? Umm let me think? "Horrible".

I hate it here, its ironic that at the begging of the summer holidays, I was begging my mum to put me back into this private school, but now I can't wait to leave and move on with my life. I feel the sensation of  coming back to school new or old is always a horrible experience to many, so maybe I am just "normal".

The first week a few major changes has happened, Such as I now have to walk to school! (well technically not walk or the way, just a 5 minute walk to the bus top) but I STILL HAVE TO  WALK! If you knew me, you would know that I HATE WALKING AND DOING ANY SUCH EXERCISE ACTIVITIES! Walking is just not for me! And guess what? I have to walk!

The first couple of days was really hard for me, my legs and entire body was hurting like crazy! But as I write this on the weekend I feel much used to it and my legs don't hurt that much, Maybe I am getting used to this new type of lifestyle.

I also feel know that I walk to school, something I have been dreading for many years, I feel a huge accomplishment, I have achieved a moment in my horrible and boring life.

I have got  loads of homework and notes to make! So I better go! Speak to you soon!!
xxxxoxxxx

Got to grow up!

Yes I am only 16 yet feel like five. Not that is a bad thing or anything but I don't know how long I can keep that up, So much has happened this summer that I will never forget, Most bad however its mostly change-Bad Change. Sometimes people say any change is good, I would disagree.
The changes that has happened on my long three month summer holidays were:

1. Freeing my mind to go to college (however this failed, and I am staying back a year so I don't know what my mind is thinking right now)
2. My good byes to everyone in my old school- I cried so much that I was not going back to school, and now I am really going there its strange. Like I am not meant to be here, but I am.
3. Not seeing my classmates-Many if not all my friends have moved on to college and I have remained and stayed.
4. coping with shame and embarrassment- I will soon find out about this tomorrow, Its going to be my first day at my old school again. And I don't know how all my other friends and teachers will say. 
5. Responsibility- I just realized I need to do so many things!! I.e learn to drive and get a job! 
6. so many other small things that are just pity but I need to do!

I also need to grow up and learn not to rely on my parents and my brothers and sisters for stuff like driving me around, taking places (I have never used the bus on my own before)and getting a haircut. I think I am giving myself a wake up call (if that is even possible). So I deiced to take small baby steps in reaching my goal. 

Hopefully this would all work out fine. Until then I will just dream. 

xxxoxxx

Poem #1 Friends

This is a short poem about my friends, who have gone, come and betrayed.

You was there when I had that argument.
Remember that time  I cried?
You was the one bought me homework when I lied.
As you  went away, I think about all the good times we had
Laughing, playing, dining and even dying with me.

You was the one that I never talked too a lot.
I don't even know why, we got along just fine.
Said our Hi's and our Byes.
Even  though I do not know you well,
I miss you, and though you may have already forgotten me.

You was the one that first talked to me on our first day,
We had a few laughs and interests together.
We getting there, when the others came along.
Took you away to play. Leaving me alone.
To find another friend. you betrayed me.

Now school is gone away now.
A distant memory for us all.
I still speak to the very very few.
They were true ones.
The real ones, they were real friends.

The link for the image is http://photos.posh24.com/p/1754867/lst/friends_tvshow/friends_where_are_they_now.jpg

Everyone's moving on...

Well I was going to go to College this year, however I now have to stay back a whole YEAR! And I feel really stressed and sad about this. Here is how I feel:

Just like the picture above, I feel like I am the surrounded by everyone's happiness and I am happy for them. However for myself I am still the same. everyone is moving on, doing new things and adventures. while I am stuck in the same old. However its not like I can just change myself  and quickly leave and go on the same pace as everyone else. Because if I do that then I will not benefit myself and my education I know some people may not understand what I am saying and that is okay. But for those who do and are still reading this then let me tell you how lucky you are. I would'nt mid being in anyone's shoes right now  if only they were going to College. I know someday (exactly next year from this exact day) I would be starting and moving on as I wish. However a year is a very long time when one is young. Many changes can happen in year and many things happen, good or bad I don't know. I will just have to wait and see. I am worried about the shame bought to me and the pending pain and envy I will see when I walk past other students and friends that are going to college and learning. I will not only be elder then everyone else in the class. I would be in a different track and mind frame I will be torn apart and sad. I write this today as I sit at home while the thousands of other people my age start College. It was a dream that is merly postponed but never the less arriving, but in the meantime I will live out the hell of being one year older and resitting my past year while my counterparts move on to greater and better life challenges. I wish them luck on there journeys. But for me I will stay for a year;(


The http for the pic I used is http://www.thenoisecast.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/sad-face-wallpapers_13395_1280x960.jpg

Newbie

Hi There,
Welcome to my new blog post thing! I am new to this site but let me tell you  that this blog is going to be full of the stuff that is me! I don't know how to explain something that I have not yet started. However I do know that its going to be AMAZING!

P.S
I think this is my first blog post!!!